


How Dare You

by moirails



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Break Up, Eating Disorders, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-16
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2017-12-26 18:00:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moirails/pseuds/moirails
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now, Alone in her bed, Vriska thinks about how much she loves that girl and how much she wishes that she didn't leave.</p><p>(or: After breaking up with her sort of girlfriend, Vriska tries to move on with her life and ends up meeting Kanaya Maryam.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the one where vriska almost commits murder

**Author's Note:**

> title from song "How Dare You" by Mirah and Thao (I recommend listening to while reading!)
> 
> Alright so here's chapter 1, I hope to make the chapters after this longer and hopefully at a slower pace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, so here's the edited (barely) version of chapters 1 and 2.

“I love you,” Terezi says, looking up at the ceiling while sprawled out on a bed that doesn't belong to her. 

Vriska pauses, her lips on Terezi's neck and hands moving to undo the buttons of her pants. The clock in the background ticks on; a gift given to Terezi from her boyfriend, whom Vriska threw shots at whenever she had the chance. _“What? A clock for your birthday? What a good fucking present! Remind me to put this on my wish list--” Terezi had silenced her with a kiss and then they forgot all about boyfriends and moved onto other things such as what exactly Vriska's present was going to be for her that night._

The seconds grew into minutes before Vriska finally looks up at her with a confused expression. “What are you talking about?” She mutters, pressing a kiss to her cheek before letting go of her entirely, instead choosing to sit up and pull her shirt back over her head.

“I love you, Vriska.,” Terezi says again, this time a little more nervous. When she doesn't hear a reply, she sits up as well and searches Vriska's face for a response to what she was telling her. Vriska is quiet,   
mulling over the new information given to her. “What about Karkat?”

“What about him?” 

“Are you going to break up with him?” 

“No.”

“Then what-” Vriska becomes silent as Terezi brushes her thumb over her cheek. “Vriska, I love you, I really do, but I can't be with you.”

With that, Terezi gets up and gives her one last kiss before leaving Vriska alone in her apartment.

.

When Vriska really thinks about it, she can't exactly remember how she met her. She thinks it was John who had introduced them, but then again it certainly could've been a party that brought the two together. It didn't really matter, because all that was important is the morning after they'd met, when Vriska woke up in her apartment with a short girl plastered against her side.

“Hey,” The girl had murmured upon waking, then untangling herself from Vriska and stretching in the sheets. “I'm Terezi, what's your name?” 

“Vriska”, She'd replied grumpily, “Are you gonna make me some breakfast or what? I'm fucking starving!”

Instead of telling her to fuck off, like all the girls Vriska had been with had usually told her to do, Terezi flopped down on top of her and giggled madly, saying something about how she reminded her of a spider and she'd make pancakes after she finished getting to know her better.

They'd talked the rest of the morning before actually doing anything else, and then when nightfall came, Vriska had decided to let her stay another night.

Vriska couldn't think of anyone else she'd connected with as much as she did with Terezi.

But it didn't really matter anymore- Terezi had decided to leave her and for what? A dumb boy that wasn't even that interesting anyways.

The first time she'd found out about said boy, she was at Terezi's house about a week after they'd met, with her hand down the girl's pants and Terezi gasping in her ear. A door slamming in the distance nearly made Vriska piss herself, and she hurriedly climbed off of Terezi in a panic. “Who is even at your house at 3 in the fucking morning??” 

“My boyfriend!” Terezi had whispered cheerily, as if she wasn't just fucking another girl behind his back. Needless to say Vriska flipped the fuck out, ranting about how she should've told her she had a boyfriend because she wasn't the kind to cheat and how _wow it was really shitty of Terezi not to tell her about the whole thing._

Terezi had just watched her let it all out, she didn't even try to calm her down or explain the situation whatsoever, she just patiently waited for her to finish.

When she was finally done, Terezi kissed her on the cheek before simply telling her that she should probably leave if she didn't want to face Karkat.

Vriska thinks about, how even back then, she never really realized how fucked up Terezi was. When she wanted to scream, wanted to cry, wanted to actually talk things through, all Terezi did was kiss her and even that didn't make her feel better whatsoever.

Now, Alone in her bed, Vriska thinks about how much she loves that girl and how much she wishes that she didn't leave.

.

Vriska sleeps, Vriska dreams, Vriska wishes, Vriska weeps.

She does this for days before she finally has the energy to climb out of bed and actually get a few things done, like actually eat for once.

When searches the house for food, she realizes that she doesn't really have much to cook at all, and thinks that maybe if she gets out of the apartment and gets something to eat she'll feel a little better.

Maybe if she were smarter, maybe if she were prettier, maybe if she was happier, maybe Terezi would've stayed. She thinks these thoughts while driving and nearly runs a red light because of it. Tears prickle at her eyes and she thinks no, she won't cry over this, she won't be weak, she won't be pathetic-

Rain's beating down on her windshield and fuck is it hard to drive while it's raining and shit she's crying and fuck it all she hates her miserable life-

She's not paying attention to the road and oh shit is that someone on a bike in front of her? Oh shit it is stop on the brakes-

 

She hits the brakes just in time- any further and the car would've hit whoever was on that bike. Vriska immediately gets out of her car to go check on the stranger.

“Fuck I'm so sorry are you ok? Shit please don't be hurt or whatever-” Vriska stops babbling when she takes a look at the person she almost hit. It's a girl, and she's fallen off of her bike, and she looks alright but she has an angry expression and Vriska feels sorry that she has made this girl angry, because oh wow is she pretty.

“Are you even watching the road while you're driving?” The girl says angrily, and she must be foreign because she has this really beautiful accent that sort of makes her knees weak and wow that sounds dumb but it's true.

“Um yeah, I'm just. I'm just kinda distracted?” Vriska mumbles, shuffling from foot to foot before leaning down to help the girl up, which is what she should've done to begin with instead of staring at her with a dumb expression on her face.

“I can see that”, the girl snaps, but takes Vriska's hand anyways. When she's standing, she's a little shorter than Vriska but taller than. Well, Vriska doesn't want to think about her right now.

The rain is beating down on both of them, and Vriska sees that the girl must be cold, because she's shivering slightly and rubbing her arms. “Look, like I said, I'm really really sorry for almost hitting you, can I help you with anything?”

The girl scowls, but when she looks over at her bike that has fallen onto the sidewalk, she sighs deeply and replies, “Well since you obviously have ruined my night, and my bike looks like it has a dent in it-” She begins to frown again, “I think I'd like a ride home.”

“Yeah. I can totally do that.” Vriska nods a bit too eagerly, and she makes a mental note that yeah she probably shouldn't do that ever again before picking up the girl's bike and heading towards the trunk. “I'm Vriska, by the way.”

“Exchanging pleasantries with the girl who almost hit me with her car. What a pleasure,” the girl rolls her eyes before climbing into the passenger side of Vriska's truck. “I'm Kanaya.”

Once Kanaya is buckled up Vriska starts the engine and starts to pull off, but not before being prodded to buckle up. “Damn, you're fussy,” Vriska huffs, but buckles up anyways. 

“I'll be 'fussy' if it means that you won't lose your life if we happen to get in a car accident,” Kanaya mutters, and Vriska starts to say something about how she won't get in a dumb car accident before she remembers how exactly she met the girl next to her in the first place.

“So where am I heading?”

“Do you know where a little road is, kind of behind a bookstore up there?” Kanaya points to a figure in the distance, which Vriska figures is the bookstore but she can't really be sure because her eyesight really sucks and the rain is making it even more difficult to see. “That thing up there?” Vriska asks, and Kanaya nods.

“Oh, I know this bookstore.” She says it mostly to herself, and Kanaya nods in approval.   
“Are you talking about that road?” Vriska pulls up behind the bookstore and waits for conformation before continuing on. 

“That's the one.” Kanaya pauses. “It might seem a little strange, but just keep following it down.”

“You live in a cottage in the middle of the forest, don't you? You seem the type to live in such a damn creepy place!” Vriska jokes, but when she glances over to Kanaya she sees that the girl isn't smiling at all and is instead narrowing her eyes. “Oh. You do, don't you?” 

Kanaya doesn't reply, just nods, and Vriska feels really shitty for insulting her home or whatever. Shit. She really needs to get it together.

Vriska decides to keep her mouth shut for a little while, at least until Kanaya starts a conversation with her so then it'll be less awkward. Five minutes go by, and the road seems like it's getting longer, so she decides to ditch her plan and go ahead and make a fool of herself. 

“How long am I gonna keep following this road? I thought we'd be there by now, I mean you've been riding a bike for this far in the rain-” Vriska stops talking and gives Kanaya a once over. “Shit, you're like soaking wet. Are you cold? I can give you my jacket if you want it.” She's cold too, and her jacket is the only thing that isn't damp, but this girl has it way worse and oh fuck she's shivering. 

“That would be great actually,” Kanaya replies kindly and Vriska reaches in the backseat while keeping her eyes on the road and fishes out a navy blue jacket which she promptly hands to Kanaya, who then slips it on gracefully and sinks back into the car seat. 

“Thank you, really, I was freezing out there. If only I would've been knocked off my bike sooner so I could relax in a warm car,” she smirks and Vriska smiles a bit because hey chick's got jokes.

“You're a sarcastic little shit aren't you?” Kanaya grins and Vriska knows that yeah, she totally is. The car becomes quiet again, but more comfortable then before, so Vriska thinks that the silence is ok.

The road continues to go on, leads through the trees with no other roads branching off of it, and Vriska is getting restless. “Man, how far away do you live?” She groans and pushes on the gas a little more, but slows down a little when she realizes that it was muddy and rainy and she didn't want to risk anymore accidents that night. 

“This road goes on for about an hour,” Kanaya tells her, like it's not a big deal, and Vriska nearly throws her hands up in the air before she remembers _oh yeah driving don't do that._

“30 more minutes? What the fuck? Do you know how much gas I'm wasting?” Vriska is very frustrated and she doesn't care that she's being too loud. Kanaya doesn't shrink away, though, she sits up a little straighter and reminds her that if it were not for her she would've had a non ruined bike and would be almost home by now. Vriska sighs and knows that she has a point, so she stops complaining and again focuses on the road. 

“Why are you even this far away on your house riding on a bike?” Vriska grumbles. Kanaya tenses up and it gets uncomfortable again. 

“Why are you driving in this heavy of rain so late at night?” Kanaya counters, and Vriska is reminded of her and oh no it still hurts really badly. Her head starts hurting and then her stomach hurts too when she thinks about the food that she still needs but hasn't gotten yet.

“I'm hungry,” is all Vriska says, and Kanaya agrees that she is too. “A while ahead there's one path that leads to town, it isn't that far away and more importantly it's on the way to my house.” 

Vriska thinks that it's an excellent idea, so she starts getting her mind on food and less on a girl that left her for a dumb boy that she didn't even love anyways and was a real jerk and didn't treat her as good and wait she needed to stop.

She must be clenching the steering wheel a bit too hard because out of the corner of her eye she sees Kanaya starting to get concerned. She lets go of the steering wheel and tries her best not to think for a while. Or ever. Yeah, forever would be great.

She turns down the path Kanaya described and she can see lights in the distance. It makes her a little lonely, and she wonders if Kanaya ever gets lonely living out in the woods near nothing except for a small town. She would definitely get lonely, especially since Terezi left her--

Fuck. She promised herself she wouldn't think of her name at all. But it's too late and now memories are flooding back of the day she left, how she was so thrilled and confused to hear that Terezi actually loved her and she was gonna say it back she really was but then she left and oh god tears are coming.

This is how she almost crashed into Kanaya earlier, driving while upset, and now she's getting upset again so she takes a little breath and tries her best to calm down. She thinks of Kanaya and how she definitely does not want to cry in front of her.

She finally sees a lighted sign; a sign for a diner, and she is relieved to finally pull into a parking space and get out of the car for a bit, even if it is still raining. Vriska hops out of the car and she figures that she had better open Kanaya's door for her, even if it is what a tool usually did.

Kanaya steps out of the car and pulls Vriska's jacket hood over her head, scrunching up in the cold wind and shoving her hands inside her pockets. Vriska follows her inside, thinking of how Terezi would've liked eating in a small diner just like this one.

.

When Vriska walks in she realizes that they're the only two customers and it's to be expected but still pretty unsettling. They decide to sit into a small booth near the corner, Vriska sliding into the seat opposite Kanaya.

Vriska spends her time looking outside the window, watching the rain and only half listening when the waiter comes over and asks them what they want to order. Vriska mutters out a halfhearted response, and then the waiter scurries off. Kanaya must be a regular there, because she is making small talk with one of the employees and Vriska ignores them completely.

It's only after Kanaya leans over and places a hand on Vriskas that she realizes that Kanaya's been calling her for who knows how long. 

Vriska flinches under her touch and Kanaya recoils quickly. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I just was concerned is all,” Kanaya apologizes, and Vriska jumps to explain that she just got scared and that's it. 

“No, no, it's not your fault. I was just, er, thinking.” 

“I don't mean to pry, but you've been looking rather sad and I was wondering if I could help with anything?” 

“Uh....” Vriska pauses. “It's nothing, really.” 

Kanaya looks doubtful, but she stops trying to coerce her into telling her what it is.

Vriska notices that food has been set in front of her, and so she starts scarfing everything down, crumbs falling down onto her lap and sticking to her face. She doesn't use a napkin afterwords, just uses her arm to wipe the food of of her face. Kanaya looks absolutely disgusted.

“It's like you haven't eaten for days,” Kanaya says, her face scrunching up. 

Vriska doesn't think that it's wise to tell her _yeah that's true I haven't eaten for 4 actually_ so she just changes the subject. “Why do you live out here anyways? It's super fucking inconvenient if you ask me!” There it is. She's getting back to her usual bitchy attitude. 

“Well it's a good thing nobody asked you, then.” Kanaya eats a last fry before using a napkin to clean her hands.

“I live out here because I enjoy nature, and so does my--” Kanaya ceases talking, and starts messing with what looks like a necklace that she pulled out of her pocket. “My ex-girlfriend also seemed to like nature as well.”

The words 'ex-girlfriend' make Vriska wince, but she's really surprised to know that Kanaya has a thing for the female gender. Really surprised. What are the chances?

“You asked me about why I was so far away from my house earlier? It's because I was leaving her house.” Kanaya is opening up to a total stranger and all she can think about is that Kanaya likes girls. Way to be a bitch, Vriska.

“How did you guys break up?” Vriska asks quietly, and Kanaya starts to look angry. “I broke up with her today after catching her on top of a boy that I have never met and never care to-”

Kanaya snaps the necklace in half, sending beads and a pendant flying across the table, and oh damn she's furious. “I cannot stand cheaters, and I can't stand those who affiliate themselves with the act--” Kanaya sets what remains of the necklace on her empty plate angrily. “So I'm ridding myself of this horrid gift that she gave me a few months ago.”

Vriska is aghast, just absolutely stunned. She sits there wide-eyed, looking at Kanaya like she might be killed if she dares to make a move. “Oh.” Is all she says before the waiter comes again and cleans the table of everything.

After paying for their meal and tipping the waiter, Kanaya gets up and Vriska follows her back to the car. She follows Kanaya's directions back to the road and it is still silent even then.

The rain is clearing up and Vriska is thankful for that, but she is still speechless. Vriska is a horrible horrible person and she knows this, but to hear that Kanaya can't stand her is a little too much for her to comprehend. She's a stranger, that's true, but Vriska has grown somewhat fond of the girl and it's so terrible and she's terrible and just everything is terrible, really.

They are nearing a large cottage and Vriska is glad to finally be able to head back to where she knows where everything is, but she's not happy to go back to her apartment where memories lay in every corner. 

“Look, I'm sorry for throwing all of that on you back there.” Kanaya pulls her from her thoughts. “I shouldn't have told you.”

Vriska stops the engine, and Kanaya opens the door to let herself out. “It was nice meeting you, Vriska.” She gives her a small smile before closing the door and leaving.

It's not until Vriska reaches home that she realizes that she forgot to get back her jacket and Kanaya had left her bicycle in the back of her car.


	2. now you're all gone and you're not coming back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters 3+4 put together  
> and edited barely  
> enjoy friends

She does not drive back and return Kanaya's bike, like she should've done when she first realized she had it. Instead she ends up returning it a month later, completely on accident. Well, not accident, but more of a post-explosion. 

 

**Sunday.**

Vriska wakes up the next morning reaching out to grasp onto a body next to her before she realizes that there is nothing there but an old pillow. It's been almost a week since Terezi left her and yet her first thought in the morning is her. It's really dumb and Vriska mentally berates herself for it, deciding that she would skip breakfast and instead wallow in her self pity in the comfort of her bed.

Her mouth is dry and she's thirsty but she refuses to move from her spot, instead staring up at the ceiling and pretending that she's somewhere else.

It's inevitable, she supposes, that she thinks of Terezi. Nothing else in her life is interesting, nothing is great, nothing is worth living for. Except her.

And she's gone.

Vriska thinks that she shouldn't be this obsessed with a girl that was never actually her girlfriend and who just used her as a plaything. She can't help it and it makes her feel hopeless. She's Vriska Serket and she should not be acting like a heartbroken mess.

Idleness leads to her thoughts becoming vivid scenarios and now she remembers one of the first times that she met with Terezi.

.

Vriska's leaning against a wall when she sees her from across the room- She's wearing an oversized hoodie and blue capris and her dark red hair combined with her sharp toothed smile immediately catches her attention. Vriska hangs back for a while; she's not sure if Terezi would even talk to her if she did end up going up to her. Time goes by and Vriska is getting tired of being ignored by everyone else in the room, so she decides to take that chance.

“Hey.” 

Terezi looks up and smirks at her. “Didn't know they let in spiders.” 

“You're soooooooo unfunny it's actually a little painful,” She smiles anyways and settles her hands on Terezi's hips. “You here alone?” 

Terezi looks up at her, clearly amused. “If I was here with someone do you really think I'd be talking you when I had better things to do?”

Vriska tightens her grip on the smaller girl. “Ouch.” Is all she says, but shrugs it off. It wasn't the first time Terezi had teased her in such a manner. “Well I'd totally talk to other people to if I wanted to! But you seem more interesting-”

“Is that why you've been standing alone for the past half hour? Really seems like you're the most popular person at this establishment!” Terezi snaps her teeth together when she laughs and it makes Vriska's stomach churn. 

She's not sure whether to respond or not to the comment, so she changes the subject. “Whatever. This party's a drag anyways,” She leans over and presses her forehead against hers. It's an intimate gesture and she can feel a few people staring at them but she decides they can all go fuck themselves. 

“Do you want to come back to my place?”

Terezi shakes her head and Vriska's heart temporarily sinks before she grabs a hold of her hand and intertwines her fingers with Vriska's. “Let's go to my place instead, Spidergirl.”

…

“Wow! You never told me that you were rich!” Vriska says once they reach their destination, surprised by how big the house is. It's her first time there and she is amazed and somehow jealous at the same time. “Way to be an asshole and not bring me here sooner.”

Terezi snickers and rolls her eyes. “Just because someone doesn't live in a shitty apartment doesn't mean they're rich, Vriska.” 

“Fuck you,” Vriska grumbles, and Terezi just cackles. “That's the plan!”

Once they get inside and Vriska stops obsessing over how amazing the place is, Terezi has her shoved down onto a king sized bed that feels a hell of a lot more comfortable than Vriska's own beat up mattress. “Just shut up for a second,” Terezi murmurs into her ear and Vriska happily does so, leaning back into the sheets.

Vriska's a little shaky- this is her first time sober with Terezi and she's only just met her and as much as she tries to act like she knows what she's doing the subject of sex makes her very nervous and red faced. There's also the fact that Terezi is the most gorgeous girl she's ever met and she's awkward and lanky and-

_Oh god that feels nice._

Terezi places kisses along her neck while her hands roam up Vriska's shirt, making Vriska go quiet beneath her and arch up to her touch. Terezi stops for a second and smiles into her neck. “Are you always this sensitive?”

“I'm not fucking sensitive. Shut up,” Vriska huffs and grips Terezi's hips, making Terezi leave her neck and give her a long incredulous stare. After a few seconds of deciding that they weren't going anywhere until Vriska tells the truth, she mutters _fine whatever I'm sensitive now fuck me already. ___

__Terezi pulls off her glasses before continuing, telling her that she doesn't like them because they remind her of a douche that's into anime. She says this quietly, a gentle sort of quiet, and then she presses her lips against Vriskas. She relaxes into the kiss and Terezi sighs into her mouth, her hands unbuckling Vriska's belt and sliding her pants down._ _

__Terezi has barely touched her and Vriska is already writhing, gasping in Terezi's mouth and rolling her hips into her hand. She laughs, pulling away from Vriska's mouth and moving back to her neck where she suckles on before biting down._ _

__Vriska's teeth graze against her lower lip as she digs her fingers into Terezi for support, her expression sharpening and wincing. Terezi's fingers and the gentle sucking on her neck along with the biting are becoming too much and soon she seizes up, moaning into Terezi's ear before dropping down onto the bed and breathing hard._ _

__When she finally regulates her intake of oxygen, Vriska looks up at Terezi and sees that she looks rather pleased with herself. “That was easier than I thought it would be,” Terezi says, and then drops down on the bed next to her._ _

__“Don't worry about returning the favor; I'm going to have to leave anyways.” Terezi says after a while of just basking in the silence, and then, adding as an afterthought, “You have to leave too.”_ _

__“You're not going to let me spend the night? You're such an asshole,” Vriska is pissed and disappointed all at the same time and it is giving her a headache._ _

__“Honestly, what did you expect?” Terezi replies rather snappily, “That someone like _me_ would let someone like _you_ lounge around _my_ house just because we happened to fuck a few times? Really?”_ _

__Vriska is quiet and she'd like to think that if someone ever said something like that to her she'd kick their ass and probably end up going to jail, but in that moment she simply replies, “I guess not.”_ _

__Vriska goes back to her apartment and spends the night curled up by herself in her pathetic excuse for an apartment thinking of how right Terezi is._ _

__._ _

__Thinking back on the memory, Vriska finds herself in a flurry of emotion. She is still in love, yes, but she is confused and angry and upset as well. Terezi made her feel like shit, she made her leave countless times, and she even insulted her on a daily basis. But it's ok if all of it comes from someone that loves you, right? She thinks so. She always did._ _

__It is tiring to think and much easier to sleep, so that is what she chooses to do._ _

__._ _

__**Monday.** _ _

__Monday morning is not a friend to Vriska, it never was, even back when she was a young rebel of a girl living with her (now dead) mother. A knock on the door is what awakens her, and she is not at all surprised to find that it is John who is trying to pull the door off its hinges._ _

__“John, seriously, what the fuck are you doing this early-”_ _

__When Vriska pulls the door open, John immediately wraps her in his arms and hugs her tightly. “Vriska, oh my god I thought something had happened to you! Why didn't you answer my calls?”_ _

__Her phone is broken in a nearby trashcan so she wouldn't try to call Terezi and make a huge embarrassment out of herself. She doesn't tell John that but instead makes up a lame excuse about how she lost it on the subway._ _

__“I'm fine, seriously, now can you let go of me?” Vriska complains and John does so, setting her down gently as if she is a fragile piece of glass that might break if he mistreats her. It's honestly not far from the truth._ _

__“Jesus, at least let me stay for a while. I was really worried about you.” John sighs and rubs his temples for a second like he's frustrated with her. He's not, she knows he's not, but it still makes her a little uneasy and so she sits down on the couch and waits for him to do so as well._ _

__She's not used to guests and so she is stiff and tensed even when he does finally manage to find a seat in front of her. He glances at her with a confused look on his face but she doesn't provide an answer, instead choosing to look anywhere else but at him._ _

__John has been her friend for years, her only friend, but even then she still can't understand why he would ever be concerned for someone like her. He is kind and popular and funny and she is a lowlife that got lucky meeting him._ _

__“Vriska, what's wrong? Why haven't you talked to me for the past week?”_ _

__“Terezi broke up with me,” She informs him, and then decides against looking at the shocked expression on his face._ _

__“Woah, what? No way, you guys made an awesome couple! Why did you guys break up?” John is 100% sincere about everything he says and it makes Vriska feel like shit for lying to him._ _

__She'd told him that Terezi was in fact her girlfriend, that they were in love and Karkat was never in the equation. She never dared telling him anything about her constant yelling/hitting/anger. She'd never felt worse for anything in her entire life, even the time when she crippled one of her best friends back in middle school._ _

__“I don't want to talk about it,” Is all she says, because she is in deep and she doesn't want to bury herself further._ _

__Being the absolute good guy he is, John respects her decision and does not inquire further about the subject. John leans back into the couch and gives her a once over, much to Vriska's irritation. “You look a lot skinnier. Have you been eating lately?”_ _

__Vriska shrugs. “I dunno. It's whatever.”_ _

__John leans forward and looks at her intently. “Listen, Vriska, it's not healthy for you to be pent up in your apartment all day.” His voice is getting higher and she can tell that he is trying hard not to panic and go into a lecture about how she needs to eat. He's done it before and she would rather not go back to when things were like that, so she listens to what he's saying and tries not to make any snappy remarks._ _

__“One of my friends is having a party tomorrow, you should come with me.”_ _

__“I'm not in the party mood right now, John.”_ _

__“Seriously, Vriska.” John reaches out and puts his hand on her shoulder and all of a sudden this is reminding her way too much of things she doesn't want to think about. “Come with me.”_ _

__.  
 **Tuesday.**_ _

___Who the fuck even has parties on Tuesdays_ , Is all she can think when she arrives with John at a building that looks like it could fall to pieces if someone so much as kicked it. “He's hosting it at one of his dad's old warehouses,” John explains when he sees her staring. “It looks unsafe but trust me, it totally makes for a rad party.”_ _

__“Rad? Seriously? How old are you again?” Vriska snorts and John smiles sheepishly. “Sorry, it's from being around my roommate for too long- He gets it from his girlfriend.”_ _

__“God, is this friend of yours as dorky as your roommate?”_ _

__“Nah, He's actually pretty uptight about some stuff? He's more your style, honestly.”_ _

__“Good! I don't want to spend my night trying to avoid loooooooosers!”_ _

__As they walk inside Vriska notices that there isn't as much people as she expected and is sort of relieved because then people might see that she's upset and ask her what was wrong and she doesn't think she would be able to deal with that._ _

__John looks down at her and smiles, and if people saw them they'd probably get the wrong idea and assume they were dating or something as equally disgusting._ _

__John had always been sweet on her and Vriska had surprisingly been sweet in him as well, but that's only because John stood up to her bullies in like the third grade. Whatever, it wasn't really that important._ _

__It wasn't that big of a deal that people thought they were dating, because she'd thought that he had a crush on her back in high school, but that was before she realized she had the wrong equipment he was looking for and she preferred the ladies. Basically, they were both gay as fuck._ _

__“So,” Vriska begins when they're at the entrance, “Your 'friend', does he have a total hard on for you or what-”_ _

__John reddens and swats Vriska on the shoulder playfully. “Dude, no way! He's like one of my best friends and he has a girlfriend so yeah it's not like I'd like him. Jeez!” He's acting like a little girl and it's hilarious to her so she continues to tease him as they open the doors._ _

__“Who's his girlfriend? Is she hot? She's totally hot isn't she, I can see the jealousy in your eyes-”_ _

__“I've never met her!” His voice is shrill and holy fuck he looks like a tomato. He's getting unreasonably embarrassed and Vriska decides to quit messing with him for a bit so he can calm down before meeting up with the guest of honor (i.e., totally John's future boyfriend. Totally. Whenever he realized how in love he was with John, because seriously, who doesn't love John???)_ _

__“There he is,” John whispers to her and then grabs her arm and drags her over to a really short dude with messy brown hair. He looks pretty lame, especially since he's wearing a Christmas sweater to a party. What the actual fuck, who does that sort of shit? Not anyone Vriska wants to be involved with, that's for sure._ _

__“Hey! This is a really cool party. It's going super great!” John greets him, and Vriska thinks he's getting a little ahead of himself because the party did not seem great at all, in fact it fucking sucked._ _

__If she was going to be dragged to a party she wanted it to be filled with alcohol and loud music that she can drown her sorrows in but at the party she was currently at there was no such things around.  
The music was playing faintly in the background and there was only a few groups of people cluttered around the corners of the warehouse, and nobody seemed familiar in the slightest. _ _

__“Try not to be too much of a suck-up, Egbert,” The guy angrily replies and glances at her. “Who's the chick you brought along?”_ _

__Vriska decides she hates the boy and does not approve of John's choices in romance. She doesn't exactly agree with her own romantic endeavors but that's besides the point. “Listen, shorty, I have a fucking name for a reason.”_ _

__Shorty does not look happy in the slightest. He straightens up and crosses his arms, which is unfitting for a boy as innocent looking as him. She rolls her eyes at his mannerisms and he exhales through his nose, as if he's trying to hold back some kind of fireball that is about to be unleashed._ _

__“That's why I fucking asked, bitch.”_ _

__John realizes that their conversation is getting dangerously close to conflict, so he steps in between them. “This is Vriska-”_ _

__“Bitch? I only just met you and you're calling me a bitch?” Vriska steps forward and pushes John aside, “John, get a load of Shorty trying to act like he's as tough as nails.”_ _

__“Vriska, that was uncalled for, let's just go get some food from that table over there,”_ _

__“Egbert! Mind your own fucking business. If bitchska or whatever the fuck her name is wants a fight then she's got one-”_ _

__“Aww! John, I didn't know you invited a little bitty baaaaaaaaby to this party! Aw, he's so cute! Look at him, trying to fit into his dad's sweater,” Vriska ruffles his hair, “And aw! I think he even styled his own hair!”_ _

__“I'm not even that fucking short so shut your god damn mouth!” Shorty shoves her a few steps back and Vriska raises her fist to give him a good punch in the jaw but John stops her last minute._ _

__“Guys!! Are you serious? You just met and you're fighting over something as stupid as a name!” John is annoyed, really fucking annoyed, because he doesn't even look at her at all. “Vriska, I'm disappointed in you. And Karkat, why did you just push my best friend? Way to be a jackass.”_ _

__Vriska feels her heart sink and oh god she thinks she's going to throw up. “Your name is Karkat?”  
She's really nervous and her head hurts and she's hoping that it's not what she thinks but then-_ _

__“Terezi! There you fucking are. I almost got punched in the face, where the fuck were you?”_ _

__Then there she is. Terezi is walking up to them and she's still as beautiful as ever and it makes her head pound and oh no there goes her stomach._ _

__Terezi is seeing her again for the first time and she just threw up all over John's new shirt. Fuck._ _

__John looks down at his shirt in dismay. “Shit.” Is all he says before Vriska shoves past Karkat and Her to head to what she swears is a bathroom. This is just her luck, it really is. She thinks she can hear Terezi snicker but it might just be her imagination. She hopes it is._ _

__Vriska throws the door open and she's not really surprised to see that this was never meant to be a bathroom, just an old closet. It is a warehouse, after all. The only thing that is in there is a lamp hanging overhead and dozens of cleaning supplies, not a sink like she was hoping. She curses and kicks an old bucket that was already on its side._ _

__“Fuck!” She swears and then oh god tears are starting to form. Fuck. Fuck everything. Her mouth tastes horrible and there's bits of whatever she ate earlier on her face and it's disgusting and Terezi saw her like this._ _

___Don't fucking cry don't fucking cry don't fucking cry_ _ _

__Vriska bites down on her hand and blood drops to the floor, but she doesn't stop biting until she's sure that she's done with the baby bullshit._ _

__._ _

__“Why do you hurt yourself?” She remembers Terezi asking, when it was much too early for such questions and much more appealing just to ignore her and fall asleep. She does answer, however, because she is afraid Terezi might hit her for choosing not to do so. “Why do you hurt me sometimes?” She counters, gathering all her strength and opening her eyes long enough to stare Terezi down._ _

__Terezi had just smiled and begun to play with her hair. “I do it for your own good.”_ _

__She'd glared and turned away from her, rolling on her other side and hugging and abandoned pillow that was on the bed. “For my own good? It's just you being a fucking bitch. And I’m not going to put up with it anymore!”_ _

__Terezi had sighed and leaned over her until she could see her face again.”No, I do it to make you a stronger person. Do you not want to be stronger?” She leaned down and tried to place a kiss on her lips but Vriska pushed her away once more._ _

__After that, Terezi went silent and Vriska continued to look away from her, off into the distance and ignoring her. She was fed up then, sick of dealing with Terezi's constant mood swings and her unpredictable behavior. She would've left then, could've been done with the girl and avoided the unbearable heartbreak she now faced. She could've, and she would've, if not for what Terezi had said after that._ _

__“I do it because I really like you, Spidergirl.” She'd sounded so sincere, and it made her heart twist up in a strange way. “Hey, look at me.” Terezi said gently, not demanding, and she did so. Terezi smiled and leaned down enough to bump her forehead gently against Vriska's. She had stood in that position for a while, until Vriska forgot all about leaving her and began to smile._ _

__“There you go, Spidergirl. There you go.”  
._ _

__She's pacing around the small space when the door creaks open and she's thinking that it must be John to ask if she's ok but then she looks up and oh fuck it's her._ _

__Terezi shuts the door behind her and then the only light in the room is coming from the dim lamp that's hanging from the ceiling. Vriska looks at her, confused, her arms dropping to her side._ _

__“What do you want?” Vriska's voice cracks and fuck that's embarrassing._ _

__Terezi doesn't say anything, just stands there and watches her. She's overly intimidating and Vriska feels even worse as the time goes on because here she is standing in front of a gorgeous girl with throw up on her face and clothes that she's worn for far too long._ _

__“Why did you follow me?” Vriska tries again, and she's starting to freak out a little because _shit Terezi is in the room with her.__ _

__“What are you doing here?” Her voice is accusing and Vriska is taken aback by the sound of her voice for the first time in weeks. When Vriska doesn't answer immediately, Terezi steps forward and pushes Vriska up against the wall. “I asked you a question, Spidergirl.”_ _

__The word 'spidergirl' is too much for Vriska to handle and she's overwhelmed with emotion and the feeling of Terezi's hands on her shoulders. This shouldn’t affect her in the way that it's affecting her- Terezi is kind of starting to hurt her with the way her fingers are digging into her skin but she guesses it must be ok. It has to be ok because Terezi would never cause her harm if it didn't involve making her a better person. Never._ _

__“I didn't know you would be here!”_ _

__“Who'd you come here with?” Terezi presses against her and it would seem intimate if not for the death grip she has on her collarbone. Vriska's head is beginning to spin and she think she might vomit again but then Terezi hisses and puts a hand on her throat. She doesn't choke her, not really, just squeezes and it doesn't hurt if she doesn't think about it._ _

__“Do you not realize how serious this is? You, showing up here”- Terezi digs her nails into her neck and Vriska's finding it hard to breath but she doesn't fight back. “What if Karkat finds out about you? What if he broke up with me and my whole future is compromised--”_ _

__“Terezi, you're hurting me,” She manages to choke out, her eyes watering and her vision fading into black. “Please-”_ _

__“Do you not fucking realize how hard I worked to get where I am?” She doesn't. She never did. She deserves Terezi's hands on her throat, she really does. It's her own fault. She thinks she says sorry, but she's not sure. Either way, Terezi's hands loosen and Vriska falls to the floor, struggling to catch her breath and her hands shooting up to rub her throat._ _

__“Leave.” Is all Terezi says before she is out the door, and Vriska's heart drops down to her stomach because this is a scene she knows all too well._ _

__._ _

__Terezi pretended to be gentle. She wasn't._ _

__Vriska figured this out the hard way the first time she chose to blow one of their meetings off to go watch movies with John. She had come home and Terezi was waiting at her doorstep, saying harsh words and pretending not to notice when tears started dripping down Vriska's face._ _

__“I'm sorry!” She'd said over and over. Terezi did not leave. She continued to yell at her and bring her down until the things she said were etched into Vriska's brain._ _

__When Vriska had started to get hysterical, Terezi hugged her and told her it was alright and not to do it again. She stayed there that night and acted like nothing had happened._ _

__Vriska stays quiet, and pretends like nothing happened either._ _

__._ _

__She stays on the floor of the closet for a couple of minutes before shakily getting up on her feet. She does not want to leave, but she does not want to stay there either. She wants Terezi to come back and tell her that everything is alright and she'll take her back. It doesn't happen._ _

__Vriska stands there, under the lamp, for a solid minute before she starts whimper pathetically. Her hands are clenched and in that moment she is absolutely isolated from the entire world, just a speck in the universe that needs to be erased. She wishes she was erased, because that would be much better than this._ _

__The next few seconds are a blur-_ _

___openthedoor seejohn dontlookatterezi dontlook seekarkat hatehisguts spottheexit wanttodie **getoutofhere.**_ _ _

__Once she's outside, she walks to the side of the building and slams her back against the wall. It is not worth the energy to walk home. It is not worth the energy to go back inside and ask John for a ride. She slides down the wall until she reaches the floor and then the dam breaks._ _

__It is her first time crying in days, and she's shaking and chattering and she is completely at a loss because nothing seems like it matters anymore because she's finally come to the conclusion that Terezi will never be with her again._ _

__Her head is starting to hurt and she's getting dizzy and she still has throw up on her but she could care less at the moment because she just wants to stop existing for a while._ _

__She does not notice that someone has approached her until she feels a hand on her shoulder and flinches. She looks up and nearly throws up again because it's Kanaya and oh god can the day get any worse?_ _

__“Vriska?” She asks, concerned. “Is that you?”_ _

__She doesn't answer, she's crying too much to do that, but she nods a little and then Kanaya's arms are around her and she is gently being pulled up on her feet. She is sad and Kanaya is warm and so she wraps her arms around the shorter girl and pulls her close._ _

__Kanaya doesn't push her away, doesn't scream at her, doesn't tell her she's pathetic. Instead, she continues to hug her until Vriska has calmed down and then she murmurs, “Let me give you a ride home, alright?”_ _

__Vriska does not want to go home. She does not want to stay here, either. She thinks she somehow tells her this through her blubbering because Kanaya nods and rubs her back gently and tells her that it's alright, she can come to her house._ _

__She is being led to a black car and then before she knows it she is buckled in (Kanaya's doing) and driving down a dark road. Vriska's crying has started up again and Kanaya reaches over with one hand to pat her hand gently but it doesn't work because her mind is still on Terezi and everything hurts._ _

___Terezi is bad for you._ **But I love her.** _She hurt you._ **But I love her.** _She hates you._ **But I love her.** _ _

__She's crying and shaking so much that Kanaya pulls over, unbuckles, and hugs her while telling her that everything is going to be ok. She puts a hand on Vriska's shoulder by accident and when Vriska flinches, realization spreads across Kanaya's face. She touches again, gently, and when Vriska flinches again her face goes hard and she pulls the collar of Vriska's shirt a little until she sees bruises welting up from where Terezi was holding her._ _

__She wonders if bruises have started to form from her neck, too._ _

__“Who did this to you?” Kanaya asks, and when Vriska doesn't answer, just shakes her head frantically, Kanaya brushes her hair out of her face and tries again. “Vriska, who did this to you?” She looks so concerned and it's making Vriska nervous. “Please don't hurt me,” She whispers carefully and Kanaya looks so taken aback that Vriska is sorry she said anything._ _

__“I'm not going to hurt you, I promise.” She whispers and then gently squeezes Vriska's hand before buckling back up and starting to drive again. “Don't ever think that I will hurt you.”_ _

__._ _

__When they get to Kanaya's house, she has calmed down but is still refusing to talk. Kanaya respects her enough to stop trying to push information out of her, and instead helps her inside. It is nightfall, and it is scary. Everything is scary. Especially the future._ _

__Vriska thinks of these things and her throat tightens so she holds on to Kanaya for support. She feels dumb and needy because she has bothered what is basically a stranger into having to babysit her for the night. She wishes Kanaya had left her alone._ _

__“I'll help you into the bedroom,” Kanaya says softly and only then does Vriska realize how tired she is. “You don't have to do this, you know,” Vriska finally speaks up and Kanaya does not reply, just shakes her head gently like she said the most silly thing on Earth._ _

__Kanaya's house is beautiful. It's even better than Terezi's, even better than John's. It's wonderful, and not just because everything looks so expensive, but because it is Kanaya's. She thinks of Terezi again, though, so she is not amazed for long. She is just sad._ _

__Vriska has finally stopped crying completely and her eyes burn and Kanaya gently rubs her back once they've reached the bedroom. She helps Vriska get into bed and then she pats her one last time before turning to leave. “Wait,” Vriska begins frantically, and Kanaya stops._ _

__“Please stay.”_ _

__Kanaya sits down on the bed beside her and looks down at her with a soft expression. “Everything is going to be ok.” She repeats the same words from earlier, and then she leans over to turn off the lights.  
“I promise it will.”_ _

__It is the first time that someone has stayed when she wanted them to, and Vriska is not sure what to think._ _


	3. healing process, interrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> back from a long hiatus with a longer chapter! yeaaaa
> 
> alright big news: I have edited the chapters before this, not majorly, but just slight tweaks in the story line. I recommend going back and reading them before this one, but if you'd rather not then this will still make perfect sense, don't worry!
> 
> another chapter is probably going to be coming this weekend so be on the lookout for that yeah

She is drowning.

Water is seeping into her lungs and fills her up until she is no longer empty, and it would be comforting it it weren't for the fact that she cannot breathe. She doesn't struggle, not at all, just relaxes and lets herself sink further and further down in hopes that it will be over soon if she cooperates. It hurts, it always has, but it's better that way.

She is nearly at the bottom when something pulls her up, hoists her out of the water and lets her cough out all the poison. Her head spins and she is shaky, but she's alive. 

“Vriska!” 

She thinks that's her name being called, but she's not sure, and she's tired, so she falls back onto whatever surface is under her and hopes that she will not have to move anytime soon. 

.

Its only when she wakes up she realizes that she is only drowning in a sea of pillows. She struggles out of their reach and tumbles over onto the floor. It's not one of her best moments, but then again, really all of her days haven't been her best lately.

She rolls over and lies on her back, looking up at the white ceiling and trying to remember where exactly she is. It hits her, finally, when the scent of vanilla warms her nostrils and memories of the night before flood into her brain. “Shit.” Is all she says, but she doesn't freak out, just lets out a long breath of air.

It's numbing, almost, the feel of the wood underneath her skin, an actual working fan spinning its blades and sending cool air down onto her body and into her bones. Vriska isn't sure what she is thinking, exactly. 

Then an image springs into her head, the image of her leaving out the bathroom door and then she feels like she is reliving the night before, except now she isn't sobbing, tears are running down her face and she stays impossibly still and quiet. She doesn't smell throw up on her shirt anymore, and when she summons the willpower to look down at a shirt that is definitely not hers, she cannot bring herself to care.

She thinks she is finally broken.

“Vriska,” A gentle voice caresses her ears, and she leans up enough to see that it's Kanaya, coming into the room holding a plate. She lean back and doesn't reply. “Vriska? I didn't realize you were awake-”

A sudden clatter makes her jump a bit, and then Kanaya is rushing over to her and pulling her up by the shoulders. “Vriska? Are you alright?” She seems genuinely worried about her, not just pretending, so Vriska finds the will in her to weakly nod.

“What...? Vriska, what on earth are you doing on the floor?” 

Vriska sighs, deeply, and doesn't reply, and then she's clenching her teeth because fuck Kanaya her shoulders hurt damn it stop squeezing them because you're a worry-wart. Kanaya's hands are gentle, though, and when she realizes she has hurt the girl in her grasp then she apologizes wordlessly by putting her hand over hers.

Now, in these kinds of situations, Vriska normally would make a snide remark and then make her move, because jeez, that is gay as hell. Really fucking gay.

Currently, She's a mess, so she just lets Kanaya stay there, and she's really quiet and Kanaya's hand is really warm and she is sad. She is so sad, and she desperately wants _Her_ to be there instead of the girl in front of her, which is absolutely ridiculous because Kanaya is far more gentle than anyone she's ever met, especially _Her._

She is sad, and Kanaya's hand is warm, and she's quiet.

These three things run over and over in her mind until she has again fallen asleep, but this time on Kanaya's shoulder. She is done thinking for now, and she lets sleep have its way with her.

 

.

The next time she comes to, she's on a bed again, and pillows seem to be swallowing her body into their nonexistent mouths, but she isn't bothered by it at all. She's far more calm than she was before, and although she is not as bad as she was, she isn't better at all.

Her head feels clearer, so she studies her surroundings, instead of falling onto the floor like an idiot. God, she's such a moron.

It's clean, the room, much cleaner than hers, or anyone else's for that matter. Everything is neat, tidy, almost perfect. Well, perfect. But she doesn't really believe in perfect things. Which is weird, because she used to think she had the most perfect relationship in the world-

Shit. Ok, she's supposed to be looking at Kanaya's place, not thinking of things that can break her heart into two.

There's really expensive things in there, like a huge boudoir tucked in the corner, next to a huge door that's made of marble, and a golden doorknob. There's another door, maybe a closet? On the opposite side of the room, nearest to the bed. That sounds entirely fake, but here she is, looking at it. What the fuck. There are glittering bulbs hanging from the ceiling, opposite of the “clothes corner”, as Vriska has dubbed it. On the floor, in front of the bed, is a humongous carpet on top of wood floors she's already personally been acquainted with.

When she's thinking of what the hell kind of job the owner of the humble abode might have to afford all of this, Kanaya, speak of the devil, angel, whatever, enters through another marble door on the left side of the bed.

“You're awake!” She smiles, and then she's walking over to her and sitting down on the bed next to her. Kanaya sits there for a minute, just studying her and smiling, before she finally gets a serious look on her face and starts the interrogation.

“Vriska, I honestly don't mean to be ah, nosy, but under these circumstances, I'd appreciate it if you would fill me in on what exactly happened last night.” Her voice gets really strained when she's asking this, like she can't bear to know what went on, but is going to anyways. Vriska opens her mouth and says something along the lines of _'Idunnowhatyouretalkingabout'_ and Kanaya shoots daggers at her blueberry-green blotched shoulders and neck and hisses out, “What happened?”

“I don't- I don't-” Shit, why is it so hard to _talk?_ She thinks she knows what she wants to say but when she opens up her mouth to say it the words don't spill out the way she wants them to. It's difficult talking when you're upset on its own, but when you've been through hell and back and then you're suddenly in front of a very worried, breathtakingly pretty girl and she's upset and not quite asking _'what happened'_ as much as she is really asking _'who did this to you?'_

“There's this, this girl, and I'm hopelessly in love with her but she hurtsmeand shelovesmeback but she cant bewithmebecause its too hard for her”, Vriska breathes all at once, some of her words muddling into each other and almost becoming unable to understand.

Kanaya is patient, and she's _listening,_ not fake listening like when your forever-ago therapist scrutinizes you under a microscope and nods and nods and nods like they completely understand even when they haven't been hearing, actually _hearing_ you since you've been talking to them. 

It's painfully quiet and Vriska feels tears crawling their way out of her tear ducts, so she elaborates, hoping that some how, someway, talking will make it all go away.

A thought strikes her, however, when she remembers first meeting Kanaya and what the girl had told her: She can't stand cheaters. Not even the people they're cheating with. 

Vriska starts to panic a little, because FUCK. Just fuck it all. She's finally opening up to someone, even if it's just a little, and it feels nice, but fuck it all Vriska did it again, completely ruined what little solace she has. If it were anyone else, she'd tell them and if they responded badly she'd just tell them where to shove it and to fuck off, but oh no she can't even fathom how exactly she'd feel if Kanaya, the only girl to stay by her side even for a little bit, would abandon her.

No. It can't happen.

Kanaya's patient and understanding look turns into one of worry yet again, and Vriska reminds herself that oh yeah, she has to keep this up. She has to tell her, even if it can't be the truth. Vriska can't just leave the subject entirely; Kanaya would absolutely not allow it, not until she finds out the details behind her injuries.

“This girl, uh. Terezi. Was my girlfriend. She didn't hurt me at first, but then throughout our, er. Relationship, she'd get increasingly angry and edgy and then sometimes she'd yell at me and shit, and then it turned into physically hurting me, like this,” Vriska traces the outlines of the bruises,”and she'd just. Fuck, she'd just kept telling me how I deserved everything, and then. Shit, She left with a boy. That's why I almost ran you over forever ago.”

She's starts to tear up again like a fucking baby and then she's wrapped in Kanaya's arms, and she calms down a little. “Oh, Vriska.” Is all she says, but it's ok, because Vriska understands. 

Once She's ok and Kanaya knows it, she finally releases her embrace and looks into her eyes, a tacit promise that everything is going to be alright. “I'm so sorry something like that has happened to you, and I'm going to do everything I can for you to make sure that you are in safe hands. I'd prefer for you to spend a few nights here, at least until those bruises heal, but if you'd like to leave, I won't make you stay.”

Vriska doesn't even pretend to mull it over, just nods her head quickly, because who the fuck would want to stay in a lonely apartment room? Of course, she could always stay with John, but then she'd have to tell him about Terezi hurting her and oh god Karkat and Terezi and throwing up on John's shirt all enter her mind at once. She shoves the intruding thoughts from her mind and focuses on Kanaya instead.

Kanaya gets a little sheepish, “I realize that it might seem much for me to ask this of you, we've only known each other a short while,” She smiles a little, but then frowns again, “But I'd feel better knowing you're in safe hands, at least for now.”

“It's completely ok,” Vriska smiles, and then adds lightheartedly, “Just don't try to fondle me in my sleep.”

Kanaya turns a bright red and mutters something about _thatwasjustanaccident_ before she pats her reassuringly one last time and heads out of the room.

.

Kanaya comes back a little while later with a plate filled with crepes. “My mother always let me have these when I was sad for breakfast back in France,” She explained, smiling at her. “When I would eat them I'd be reminded of happy memories. Hopefully a similar feeling will come to you.”

Vriska automatically grabs one and stuffs the entire thing in her mouth, manners be damned. She was hungry as fuck.

“I see your eating habits haven't changed from the last time we ate together,” Kanaya smirks and just to spite her, Vriska smiles from ear to ear, her mouth filled with unchewed food.

The shorter girl sits down on the bed beside her, and it's starting to become a habit, sleeping, eating and sitting together on the bed for both parties involved. “Hm, Vriska, I weren't aware that you were an award winner.”

“A what?” Vriska manages to get out in between chewing. When she sees a coy smile beginning on Kanaya's face, she knows where this is going. “You've won the award for by far, the most disgusting and unmannerly person I have ever met.”

Vriska laughs and tears a crepe in half, then arranging it on her head in the fashion of a crown. “Oh, thaaaank you, my loyal subject, but I'm sorry to inform you that I'm actually the QUEEN of disgusting and whatever the fuck else you just said.” 

Kanaya plays along, bowing her head towards Vriska before the two erupt in giggles. The giggles die down some when they realize how close they are, and just when Vriska starts to inch away from her since it's becoming awkward, Kanaya closes the gap between them and places a kiss on her cheek. 

“I've got to go out and get some groceries, but I'll be back soon. Feel free to roam the house and please Vriska, take this time to take a shower and get that crepe out of your hair.” She nods toward a door that Vriska had previously thought was a closet, and, with that, Kanaya leaves for a second time that day.

.

_What if I'm over thinking of this? Shit, what if she just kisses all her friends like that, and it's totally not strange to her at all? But what if she likes me? Like, has a crush on me or some shit like that? Am I ready for that? I mean, she's hot as fuck but still I'm trying to get over all this fucking sadness bullshit_

Vriska thinks the same train of thoughts as she waits for Kanaya to return, having already taken a shower and explored her damn huge house. From Kanaya's main bedroom, the door opens into a living room area with a kitchen in the corner and the main doorway near it. She hadn't gone down the two hallways that cut off from there; She didn't want to snoop around various rooms and some how break something, that'd be just her luck.

She didn't want to mess up her friendship, uh, possible relationship? With Kanaya, so she just plops down on the couch in the living room and watches TV on the impossibly big flat-screen that would take her years to save up for if it were hers. 

Vriska spends time watching cartoons, not really paying attention to what's going on in the show but instead running her thoughts over everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. Should she call John? Would he even pick up an unknown number, for that matter? What if he's really pissed off that she left in the middle of the party after throwing up on him? God, she's a horrible friend.

What was Kanaya even doing there? Did she know someone? Just what the fuck.

She's in the middle of thinking what sex with Kanaya would be like when the front door slams open and she's scared shitless. Holy fuck, way to go, scare your house guest, Kanaya--

When Vriska turns towards the door, she's met with a tiny, angry looking blonde girl, her hair not that far different from how yours used to be before you died it dark blue. “Who the hell are you?” Vriska asks.

She glares at her and it's actually a bit unnerving, because although she is small she looks like she could beat the shit out of her if she really tried. “Who am I? Well, aren't we all searching for who we are? Hm, perhaps I should think that over before getting back to you. Now, before I do that, I need to ask you: Why are you in Kanaya's house?”

Oh fuck not another snarky bastard. Vriska is not in the mood for this bullshit. “I'm Kanaya's lover, who the hell are you?” 

The girl snorts and rolls her eyes almost immediately after she says this, obviously calling her bluff. “Your lies are almost as bad as that outfit. How could Kanaya ever let you in the house when you're wearing that?”

Vriska looks down at her shirt defensively before she realizes that she's actually wearing Kanaya's shirt so this insult does nothing to her other than make her mile wickedly. “Oh, god, I'm so fucking embarrassed! Kanaya and I switched shirts yet again after screwing,” She puts a hand on her heart and looks up at the ceiling in a mock fashion, “What ever shall I do?”

She looks up from the ceiling only to sneak a look at the girl's face: She's a dark shade of red and seems to be quietly seething in the doorway.

“Quit the story-telling already, you're not her star-crossed lover,” She says, looking back at Vriska and mumbling under her breath. Vriska raises a brow; she didn't say shit about 'star-crossed'. What the hell is this chick on?

“Why are you here, and what the hell is your name anyways?” Vriska cuts her off before she can say anything else and stands up from the couch, towering over the girl, hopefully making her intimidated just a little. Hopefully.

She walks up to Vriska, and fuck it all if this girl isn't fucking scary. God damn, how does she master that angry look without actually looking furious at all? She's like a fucking doll. Vriska never liked those pieces of shit.

“What's in a name?-” She starts up dramatically, and she would've kept on for a long while if Vriska hadn't interrupted her almost immediately,”Do not quote Romeo and Juliet, I swear to fucking god.”

This time it's the girl that arches a brow, staring at her like she's a little impressed. “I went to college for theater for a while,” Vriska explains hurriedly. 

“Cut the bullshit and all this damn side-stepping, blondie. Tell me what you're doing here.”

“Ah, quite the gentleman, I see. Shouldn't you treat ladies a bit more kindly?”

“I'm not gay.”

“Like hell you aren't! I saw the way you eyed me when I walked through the door, 'cut the bullshit', as you so adequately put it.”

“God damn ok I am fucking gay. Answer my first question.”

“Didn't I, though? I told you I'd have to think about who I am.”

Vriska sighs, a long, drawn out sigh, before she sticks her hand out to the girl and mutters, “I'm Vriska.”

She smiles, and takes the hand with a firm shake, “Rose. Rose Lalonde.”

.

The two girls lounge about on the couch for a while, Vriska no longer asking about why the other girl is there because she only starts up some melodramatic shit on her and she isn't in the mood.

They work well together, the snarkiness and the over dramatics of the two, and Vriska thinks they could be friends, and maybe they are for that short period of time, but then Kanaya gets home and everything is thrown out the window.

Kanaya comes in and nearly drops all the bags in her hands then and there, her eyes wide and confused, her body stiff and unmoving. She narrows her eyes at Rose, and nearly hisses, “Get the fuck out of my house.”

 _Holy fuck._ Kanaya? Swearing? She hadn't so much as said anything that could resemble a rude comment, but here she was, telling someone Vriska had barely met to get the fuck outta her home. Shit, who _was_ Rose?

Rose stands calmly, and Vriska watches the two of them, unsure of what to do. 

“Kanaya, I know we didn't leave on the best of terms-”

“Catching your girlfriend in the midst of fucking a boy in her home is not even near 'not the best of terms'!”

Oh fuck. Oh FUCK. This was the girl, the one who's house Kanaya had left when she nearly hit her with her car--

“I know how terrible that must be, but I swear to you Kanaya, it was a mistake! I am utterly in love with you, and I promise nothing like that will ever happen again, Oh please, Kanaya, believe me,"  
Rose turns to Vriska, who's looking really uncomfortable and ready to bolt. “You understand what I mean, don't you? Do you think that I would make this shit up? Do you think that I am sidestepping this?”

Vriska looks at her, horrified that she was bringing her into this, but luckily Kanaya jumps in before she manages an awkward reply. “Leave Vriska out of this. This has nothing to do with her!”

Rose steps closer to Kanaya, but Kanaya instantly reels away from her touch and opens the door behind her. “I'm not taking you back, Rose. I'm not going to let you walk all over me. Like I said before, get the fuck out of my house or I will call the police and have them remove you.” Her tone is hard, not at all like her normal voice, and it scares everyone in the room.

Rose doesn't say anything, just looks back at Vriska, and after a long moment, she answers her question. “I am a person utterly and horridly filled with regret.” And then she leaves. That's it.

_Don't feel bad for her. She cheated on Kanaya, moron!_

Kanaya slams the door behind her onehandedly, and then she's stocking the groceries she bought into kitchen cabinets. The sound of doors sliding open and shut is the only noise in the room for what seems like ages before Vriska decides she should say something.

“I uh, didn't know that was her. I wouldn't have talked to her or anything If I knew...” Vriska trails off, waiting for Kanaya's angry response towards her. It never comes.

Instead, Kanaya lets out a sigh and sits next to her on the couch. Vriska resists the urge to flinch when Kanaya shuffles a hand closer to hers, but fails miserably. A returned look of worry slips onto Kanaya's face, but it vanishes when Vriska slips her hand onto hers. Damn, so smooth.

“There is absolutely no way you would have known. I'm not angry about it, honestly. Just frustrated that she would have the nerve to come into this house,” Starts Kanaya, but then nothing else is said on the matter.

That night, they have totally hot sex RIGHT IN KANAYA'S BED. Or at least that’s what Vriska dreams about. What's the difference?

In reality, they do sleep on the same bed, but it is completely awkward and Vriska thinks she might have kicked Kanaya a few times in her sleep by accident.

She prefers her dreams to reality. Who doesn't?

.

A week and a half goes by like that, just talking and goofing around, only the occasional sad conversation that ends in crying about Terezi. It's by far better than crying alone in her own apartment, and she hopes her bruises never heal so she has an excuse to stay at Kanaya's house.

But then her bruises start to fade, and it's both relieving and devastating at the same time.

Vriska awakes to the sound of a door shutting and Kanaya talking to several people. She grumbles and rolls over, hoping it's just a dream and there's nobody in the house but her and Kanaya for the rest of eternity. She might be starting to get attached, just a little. Ok, a lot. 

It's only until she hears a muffled, familiar voice when she sits up in bed and decides to see what the hell is going on outside her door. Kanaya's bedroom door. Whatever, same fucking thing.

She can make out parts of conversation:

“Kanaya, holy fucking shit am I sorry for bursting in like this, but I've got something to tell you...” [OTHER PEOPLE ARE TALKING. WHAT THE FUCK, HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE THERE??]

[SOMETHING FALLS ON THE GROUND. LAUGHTER.]

“Pipe the fuck down!...”

Kanaya's voice: “Oh wow, that's amazing! Congratulations....”

“Yeah, I was going to fucking tell you at the party but SOMEONE, you, I mean you, Kanaya, decided not to show up. I had to fucking bring my friend along cause he's looking for his other friend, you know, regular bullshit.....”

“Oh man, you didn't tell me you're engaged!” John's voice. John's fucking voice. Oh fuck. Oh holy fuck!

Vriska, unthinking, opens the door, and is met with four confused faces, two of which she hopes she'd never have to have seen again.

“Vriska?” John and Terezi say together, both confused, one muddled with happiness, one laced with malice.

She is sick to her stomach again.


	4. better days are ahead

Before she can do anything, like maybe grow wings and fly away, call the fucking cops to get her out of here, ride her trusty steed John Egbert outta there, John is running at her and all of a sudden she is being cradled in his arms for the second time in the past two weeks.

“Vriska where the hell have you been? I've went to your house twice and you were never there! Do you know how absolutely terrified I was??? You just left right in the middle of the damn party!” John is completely freaking out and Vriska is also freaking out because fuck She is here and oh god so is Karkat what if She hurts her again--

When John sets her down, Kanaya automatically has her hand on Vriska's shoulder and fuck this is awkward. “Oh, I didn't know you two knew each other!” She smiles, and Vriska's stomach is churning because she has no idea what she's going to do because she feels Terezi staring at her and she is so, so scared.

“Kanaya, what the fuck? What the hell is this bitch doing here?” Karkat screeches, stepping forward with Terezi tailing behind him.

“I apologize, Vriska. This is my brother, Karkat. He's not used to meeting new people and he often uses foul language,” Kanaya looks very disapproving, “I'd appreciate it if you didn't call my friend such words, Karkat.”

“We're getting married!” Terezi suddenly speaks up, linking her arm in Karkat's and smirking in her direction. Bile is rising in Vriska's throat and she feels so, so horrible and her throat tightens but this time it isn't because of sadness. She is so terribly frustrated and angry, and she doesn't know what to think.

Her heart is pounding, and she thinks of running away, but she is grounded in place and she's so fucking angry and heartbroken and bitter.

She opens her mouth to say something, anything, tell Terezi how horrible she is, tell Terezi how much she loves her, tell her that she hates her guts but oh no she loves her even still, tell her that she makes her want to die. Instead, she is deathly quiet, and the room starts to spin when Terezi looks at her, her eyes daring her to speak.

“Vriska?” Kanaya asks, and she starts to get that familiar concerned look on her face, and Vriska considers burying her head in her shoulder and sobbing, but then Terezi steps towards her and reaches her hand out.

“Nice to meet you, Vriska.”

.

“You deserve it.”

Vriska remembers looking up as soon as she'd heard it. “What?” She had asked, trying to rack her brain for information as to what Terezi was referring to.

Terezi had looked at her with a blank expression, and then a slow smile crept up upon her face. 

“You deserve being sad. You deserve being hungry, and you deserve wanting to hurting yourself.”

.

She doesn't know what happens then. All she knows is that she is sick, absolutely sick, or being treated this way. She absolutely hates her for making her feel this horrible. She snaps, and this time, it isn't because she is sad.

“How dare you,” Vriska whispers, her hands starting to tremble. “How _dare_ you, Terezi. How fucking dare you. How dare you tell me that I deserve all of this shit you've put me through,” Vriska turns to Kanaya and John, her eyes sweeping over the two of them and then to Karkat before she continues, “This girl right here has been cheating on you, Shorty. She fucking cheated on you with me and she is a fucking abusive piece of shit.”

Terezi's eyes widen, and then she's opening her mouth to argue, “What? No, Karkat, believe me she's fucking lying-”

“You hurt her?” John is shaking, and he's staring wide-eyed at the short girl in disbelief. “You hurt Vriska?”

Vriska glances at Kanaya, and her heart sinks when she sees the blank expression on her face. She lied to her, and she doesn't know if she can fix it.

“Terezi, what the fuck?” Karkat is in disbelief, and he jerks away from Terezi's touch, “How could you?”

“She's lying, Karkat, I swear,” Terezi grabs a hold of Vriska's arm and digs her nails in, “Tell him that you're a fucking liar!”

Kanaya is shaken from her stupor, pushing forward and slapping Terezi's hand away from her arm. She looks angry, angrier than Terezi looks, and Vriska's fear melts away instantly. Nobody can hurt her when Kanaya is there. “Don't you lay a hand on her,” She spits out.

“God, damn.” Karkat mutters, and Vriska think that he believes her. “God fucking damn it.”

“Karkat, please believe me. You know me, don't you? You know that I wouldn't do that!” Terezi is now back into her facade of kindness and innocence, and she's about to yell at her when shorty does it for her.

“You just showed fucking everyone in the room that you would!” Karkat screeches, pointing at Vriska's slightly bleeding arm, “Fuck you! I can't believe I was going to get married to you. God, just fuck.”

John steps forward, suddenly, and gets a really, really stern look on his face, one that Vriska has only seen once, back on that day in third grade when a little boy stood up for her, and this little boy was now grown up. “I think you need to leave,” he says quietly, clenching his fists.

.  
“You're such a freak,” A boy muttered at her after school where she had been sitting on the swing, waiting for her mother to come and pick her up. “Girls aren't supposed to like girls. My mom says you're going to hell!”

They had pushed her then, down onto the floor, a circle of boys surrounding her and kicking her stomach and sides.

John had come then, started to beat down on all the boys, and even in third grade, he was remarkably tall and bigger for his age. The boys stood no chance for him, and darted off to the fields that were in the distance.

“I'm John,” He had told her after helped her up, “Liking girls doesn't make you a freak.”

.

“I'm not going to fucking leave,” Terezi turns to Vriska and stares her down, as if she's about to lunge at her, “Do you not realize what you've just done? Where's my life of riches now, huh? You've made me lose all my fucking money--”

“Is that all I was to you?” Karkat says incredulously, “Just money?”

“Fucking obviously, Karkat. If you didn't have money then I'd still be with Vriska!”

“Get the fuck out of my sister's home and stay the fuck out of all of our lives.”

Terezi is, for once, speechless. She looks around the room, everyone glaring at her, and she looks as hopeless as she has made Vriska feel for months.

“You heard him,” Vriska says, “Get out.”

And then, she is out the door. 

And Vriska is relieved.

.

“Why didn't you tell me sooner?” John asks her, once everything has settled down and they gathered together around the kitchen table.

“I didn't want you to think low of me, I mean. I was fucking helping her cheat on her boyfriend for fucks sake-”

“Not that, the fact that she was hurting you!”

“Oh.” Is all she says, and she doesn't think she has an answer to that. She wrings her hands together, and after she looks up from her trained position on the table and sees his red eyes and dark circles, she finally speaks. “I don't know. I thought I could handle it. I thought I deserved it, I dunno.”

He takes her hands in his own, “Vriska. You don't deserve anything bad, ever. No matter what anyone tells you. You're really special, Vriska. Nobody else is like you on this Earth, and there are people that love having you around.”  
Tears spill down her cheeks, and she rushes to wipe them away. “Yeah? Like who?”

“Like me,” Kanaya says soothingly, taking a seat next to her. It's the first time that she has directly spoken to her since the truth came out about Terezi, and Vriska is relieved to hear her voice.

“You're not so bad, I guess,” Karkat grumbles from across her, still messing with the engagement ring that Terezi had dropped on the floor before she left. She doesn't expect this; after all, she was partly to blame for the whole situation. She could've told him about the cheating far earlier.

“I'm sorry, Shorty.” Vriska mumbles back, and he looks up at her. “For going along with that, I mean. And for being a bitch to you, at the party.”

“S'ok.” He says halfheartedly, and then adds, “I guess I was a bitch back to you, too.”

“I got to give Karkat a ride back to his place to pick up some stuff,” John stands up and pushes his chair in, “Do you want a ride back to your apartment, too?”

Vriska looks at Kanaya questioningly, trying to figure whether she really had to leave so soon, but Kanaya answers in her place. “Don't worry about that; I was going to give her a ride back later to get a few things. She'll be staying here a while, I presume.”

John shrugs and pats Vriska on the shoulder before leaving, and she swears she sees him wink at Karkat and make a motion towards her and Kanaya when they both head out the door. God, what a dork. She loves him.

When John's car is out of the driveway and heading down the road, Kanaya talks to her.

“I'm not mad at you for cheating, Vriska. I'm mad because you didn't tell me.” Vriska mumbles her apologies and then they are holding hands.

She thinks she is happy, for once.

.

“Where the hell Is my jacket you took from me forever ago,” Vriska asks her with a pout once they're buckled in Kanaya's car and driving down the freeway towards her apartment.

“Where is my bike?” Kanaya counters, and they both smile at each other. Vriska thinks they both remembered about it, but just chose not to say anything, just for an extra excuse to stay longer together.

“Sooooooo,” Vriska drawls out, tracing the edge of her seat, “How come you're still going to let me stay at your house?”

Kanaya glances at her curiously. “I thought it was obvious,” She says with a slight laugh.

“Well not to me,” Vriska lies, the corners of her lips turning up, “So tell me already, fusspot.”

“Are you seriously going to call me that now?”

“Oh my god, you literally would not leave the driveway until I buckled up!”

“Safety doesn't equal fussy.”

“Agh, whatever. Just tell me.”

Kanaya glances her again, and now the both of them are smiling knowingly at each other.

“We both like each other.”

.

After Vriska has finally gotten her stomach to stop fluttering so much and stop smiling like a damn idiot, she heaves Kanaya's dented bike out of her trunk and puts it in Kanaya's, instead.

“What's your room number?” Kanaya calls down to her from the balcony, and she replies, “Number 8!”

She had given Kanaya the key to her door when she kept fussing and fussing about wanting to choose what to bring back because if she didn't Vriska would just grab one tshirt and that's it.

A scream is heard, and before she can properly close the trunk to Kanaya's car, she's rushing up the stairs and down the balcony to see what's wrong.

“A spider!” Kanaya explains, out of breath. “A humongous spider is crawling around your apartment floor!”

She starts laughing then, laughs so hard she can barely breathe, and Kanaya looks very disapproving. “That's Eridan.” She says when she is done laughing. “He's my pet Tarantula. He must've escaped some how. God, I forgot all about feeding him, he's probably starving! Jeez.”

“You have a pet tarantula in your apartment and it's completely allowed?” Kanaya says, absolutely stunned. “Well, he's illegal, technically. We aren't allowed to have pets, but I snuck him in anyways,” She replies sheepishly. 

“My girlfriend is a complete smuggler!” Kanaya sighs dramatically, putting a hand to her heart. “How am I going to support the kids while you're in jail?”

The word 'girlfriend' makes her heart almost explode, but she sucks it up and plays along, trying not to act like she is a schoolgirl having a crush for the first time. “Ah, darling, the kids will have to go hungry,” She smiles and reaches down to pick up Eridan from under a pile of dirty clothes, “If they don't eat THIS!”

Kanaya is not as amused as she is, but she would definitely be laughing if it weren't for the spider. Spiders don't get you the ladies, she supposes. She'll have to invest in a cute cat. Chicks dig cats.

Then again, the only girl she wants is completely ok with the way she is now, even with a dumb gross spider, so she guesses that maybe she doesn't have to buy a cat after all.

After putting Eridan back in his cage and setting food down for him (crickets. Kanaya had insisted that she didn't feed him moths because she's totally into those. Whatever.) Vriska is helping Kanaya pack her things.

“Your room is such a mess,” Kanaya tells her, and she just shrugs. “Maybe if you weren't so fussy then it would be clean.” That didn't make sense whatsoever, and Kanaya tells her so, but it doesn't matter because she is smiling and snickering and making jokes with her while packing.

“Bye, 'dan,” Vriska lovingly pats the cage on her way out, much to Kanaya's dismay.

“Vriska, where did you put my bike?” Kanaya asked once they're at the car. “What? I put it in the trunk--”

God fucking damn it, somebody stole Kanaya's bike. She probably should have shut the trunk.

“It's quite alright, Vriska. It had a dent anyways.” Kanaya tries to console her, but Vriska still kinda feels bad about it until Kanaya leans over and gives her an actual, real kiss.

She couldn't be happier.

.

Vriska thinks that maybe her favorite sound on Earth is Kanaya's moans. When she hears them for the first time, she goes absolutely quiet, and the only thing she thinks in those few moments is how to get her to make that sound again.

It comes natural to her.

“Vriska, oh god,” Kanaya breathes under her, while she's pressing soft kisses down her stomach, “This is absolutely amazing.”

“Uh huh,” Vriska agrees wholeheartedly, entwining her fingers with Kanaya's as she reaches her destination between Kanaya's thighs.

Kanaya twitches and writhes underneath her, her fingers every so often squeezing tightly onto Vriska's as she does a particularly good job. 

She pants and groans until she comes undone completely into Vriska's mouth. 

She crawls back up the bed and falls beside Kanaya, placing soft kisses on her neck and eventually her mouth when Kanaya regains her breathing. 

They kiss and whisper to each other, until they fall asleep with their fingers still intertwined. 

.

The first time the words “I love you” come out of Kanaya's mouth is not on a bed, is not in Vriska's apartment, is not because she is going to leave her.

Kanaya says it like it's completely natural, when they are cuddling up on the couch watching movies on a Saturday night. Vriska gets up to get popcorn, and when she comes back, Kanaya murmurs a thank you and then, while Vriska is shoving popcorn in her mouth, Kanaya smiles at her mannerisms and tells her, “I love you, Vriska.”

This time, Vriska doesn't freeze up, doesn't realize it alone in her room crying. She swallows the popcorn in her mouth and instantly replies, “I love you too.”

They make out on the couch for a while and then just go back to watching the movie, like nothing unusual had transpired. This is what love feels like, she thinks. Like it is completely in the ordinary, like when you're just going about your daily routine and then you stop and think that you're in love, and go about your day like that.

She likes this sort of love.

.

John graduates that month, and she is happy for him.

She moves into Kanaya's house a few weeks after that, tarantula and all. John comes by, some days, when he isn't busy with his new boyfriend, who Vriska was delighted to hear that she indeed called it about Karkat.

When he does come over, he congratulates her and Kanaya, saying that their relationship is the kind that's in movies and after that she'll usually call him a dork and throw bits of food at him until he shuts up and watches nic cage movies with her.

Karkat and John are together for 4 months before they are engaged and are planning to move to Karkat's hometown for the summer, and moving back to America for their wedding. Kanaya politely turns down his invitation to go with him, saying she much prefers living in America and besides, who would take care of her garden when she is gone?

“Alright, I'll tell mother that you're doing well,” Karkat smiles at Kanaya and this is the first time that Vriska sees him being anything but grumpy. 

The day they are heading to the airport, John stops and says goodbye to her.

“It's sad, leaving you.” John tells her, sighing deeply. “Wish you'd guys could come with us, but I understand wanting to stay here.”

“Yeah.” Vriska replies, and she refuses to cry and beg him to stay because who the hell is she going to watch shitty movies with for 3 months?

“When we come back, I expect you to have a gorgeous gown picked out. Can't be the best maid and be outshined!” John grins at her, fully expecting what she is about to say.

“I'm the best, John, don't you know? How could _anyone_ outshine me?” She smirks, and then they're laughing about something completely irrelevant.

When he is about to leave, he tells her something that will end up sticking with her through and through.

“You're my best damn friend I've ever had in this whole world, Vriska,” He tells her with tears in his eyes, and fuck, she's crying, too. “I'm so glad that you're happy now. I'm so glad that you are in safe hands and don't hurt yourself anymore.”

From the corner of her eyes, she sees Karkat and Kanaya stopping their conversation and watching them.

“You're so important, Vriska. Never forget that.”

“I won't.”

He grabs her, one last time before he leaves, in his arms and spins her around. This is her last hug from him in a while, and she relishes it.

.

Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and then a year has flown by. 

John's wedding was a complete success, except for the incident in which she had gotten John drunk and Karkat went on his honeymoon with a drunken man. It was funny, though. She hopes they still went through with the sexy shit.

(They did. Vriska had the misfortune of hearing the explicit details the next morning when John called her on the phone.)

By this time, Terezi is just a distant, faraway memory from a different time. She is completely better now, and the night she proposes to Kanaya and she says yes, Vriska is so happy she cries tears of joy for the first time in her life.

Now, with her fiancee on her bed, Vriska holds Kanaya's ring-adorned hand in her grasp and thinks of how much she loves this girl, and how happy she is that they will be together for a long, long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god is it bad that I cried while writing the ending  
> im too emotional about endings
> 
> I've had a lot of fun writing this fic and I hope that it could possibly help someone deal with the situations they are going through. its always important to break away from any type of abusive relationship, whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship.
> 
> I know that writing this fic has definitely helped me overcome a lot of things, such as a really old friendship that I've recently ended because the other person was making me feel horrible.
> 
> if you really liked this story, consider reading the comic for it! I haven't started on it quite yet, but I plan on starting very soon. I'll post a few pages at once, so if you're interested, go watch out for them on my tumblr (poerim.tumblr.com)
> 
> this could possibly become a series, in which the other parts will be focusing on another character besides john (i.e. kanaya's past with rose, what happens to terezi, and karkat and john's relationship forming.) Look out for those too!


End file.
